how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
