i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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