this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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