I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
