wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
