I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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