i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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