Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
