I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
