just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
foreskin is a definite game changer
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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