I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
