And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
