Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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