God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
