are you still at the devil's house?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
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