and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
did i just pee glitter
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
