I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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