i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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