laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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