i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
