too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
