I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm passing your future prison.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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