So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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