D3 body, D1 cock
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
