I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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