its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
