I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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