just come out here and I will go home with you...
I've blown a few things in my day
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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