after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
