Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
