I want to make a zoo with you.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
