she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
