Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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