based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
