Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize