Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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