How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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