I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
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I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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