I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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