She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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