I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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