I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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