dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
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Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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