It's Friday. Sex?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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