Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
