oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
