And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
