somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
another moral hangover. fuck.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We left an ass print on the piano.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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