id be glad to
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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