just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
