Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
