There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
