i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
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Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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