I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
