Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?

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  (732): dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund? http://tfl.nu/31zq
  Replies (15) Good night (6274) Bad night (986)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids

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  (678): Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids http://tfl.nu/tr3o
  Replies (38) Good night (9670) Bad night (1713)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yes. helicopter.

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  (630): wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back? (816): yes. helicopter. http://tfl.nu/re1i
  Replies (19) Good night (5717) Bad night (1107)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments

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  (954): It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments http://tfl.nu/zq97
  Replies (15) Good night (4501) Bad night (1495)
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  (818): View more from California

  he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror

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  (818): he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror http://tfl.nu/1dr8
  Replies (14) Good night (6341) Bad night (1833)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.

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  (317): Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex. http://tfl.nu/7i2a
  Replies (15) Good night (1228) Bad night (4282)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out

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  (970): went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out http://tfl.nu/unz9
  Replies (16) Good night (1291) Bad night (6141)
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  (619): View more from California

  I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.

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  (619): I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca. http://tfl.nu/7xxl
  Replies (10) Good night (2032) Bad night (1437)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning

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  (309): Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning http://tfl.nu/rh9g
  Replies (13) Good night (2384) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.

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  (770): I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time. http://tfl.nu/k05m
  Replies (5) Good night (1857) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.

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  (773): Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass. http://tfl.nu/m2gp
  Replies (6) Good night (1450) Bad night (639)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.

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  (301): If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful. http://tfl.nu/gi9x
  Replies (14) Good night (1006) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.

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  (701): You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool. http://tfl.nu/2eh0
  Replies (7) Good night (572) Bad night (1737)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?

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  (248): My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes? http://tfl.nu/xjpv
  Replies (1) Good night (509) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going

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  (626): I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going http://tfl.nu/kgzn
  Replies (3) Good night (813) Bad night (326)

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