i already hear my dad disowning me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
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My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line