somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
