please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH