you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
