Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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