i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
