decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
