Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
pray to the hookup gods
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
