and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
time to smoke my breakfast
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you