P.S. I can't hear my feet
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
