Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
