Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
