Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
