you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
