you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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