Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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