I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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