I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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