the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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