just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
