i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
