i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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