At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
