i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
