what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my being single is dangerous.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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