You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
